Five Sentence Fiction - Night



It's that time again you know. Five Sentence Fiction does exactly what it says on the tin. There is a prompt word (see above) and off you go. Five sentences of fiction please. So, here's how I roll...

Lillie McFerrin




He crouched in the alleyway behind the pile of rubbish that stank of rotten food and urine, listening intently and trying to calm his breathing. The robbery had been a botch, he and his three accomplices had been sprung by the police and at least two of them were killed in the gun battle that swiftly followed. After some time had passed and he was absolutely sure that he couldn't hear the sirens getting any closer, he stood up and walked past the pile of rubbish, pulled down his cap, secreted the bag of diamonds in his jacket and affected a nonchalant air. Panic clearing, he was almost at the corner of the alley and under the streetlamps when he felt a firm hand on his shoulder and the cold, snub nose of a revolver on his neck; his heart sank.

"Alright Fingers Muldoon, you're nicked."

Lillie McFerrin, who is all kinds of smashing runs this weekly challenge and the page for your links to be entered onto can be found here. So go on, get involved!

Rock on,

W.

Comments

  1. "Fingers Muldoon" - I like it! Good flavor to this story, with the vocabulary and the name and the dialogue. Nice work!

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  2. Thanks for that! I haven't really tried this kind of thing before and I have really enjoyed these challenges from Lillie. Also very much enjoying the diverse selections from everyone else. I'll be here for the foreseeable future.

    Cheers,

    W.

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  3. It's amazing how much you pack into 5 sentences! Great job. This sounds like it'd be perfect for a much larger piece... (;

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  4. Elise, that's a really kind thing to say and much appreciated. Flattery will get you everywhere! It's funny you talking about longer pieces you know. I was looking over the other FSF things I have been writing and have started to think about doing further work on them too.

    Incidentally, Fingers Muldoon was a nickname my mother used to give me as a child when I couldn't leave things alone that I had already been told not to touch!

    Thanks so much for visiting and your kind comment!

    W.

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  5. I don't know if it was your intent, but this read like a 1950's cops and robbers drama and I mean that as a compliment. It had that kind of air to it. Fun read, "Fingers..."

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  6. Those were definitely very robust sentences! Fingers Muldoon's a GREAT name! And this little teaser makes me want to know more. Good job, Wayne!
    Some Dark Romantic

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  7. First, I agree wholeheartedly. Lillie is indeed 'all kinds of smashing'!

    Now, your story: well done! You packed all kinds of tension into a five sentence story. I often find myself relying on a scene, a snapshot but yours is the real deal :))

    P.S. love the expression 'you're nicked':))

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  8. Nice description of the alleyway - I could almost have been there. Well done.

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  9. Great setting and character!
    Fingers Muldoon is the perfect nick-name for a dubious and shady character from another era (the '50's would be about right), who's into all sorts of illegal activities.

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  10. You set the scene up perfectly. Vivid details and imagery all the way to the last sentence! I was engaged in the story. Fantastic job!

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Wotcher. Comments are welcome and make Wayne happy. Please post some. Spammers on the other hand, I hunt down, kill and eat.

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