Sunday, 30 September 2012

Five Sentence Fiction - Devotion

Here we are again and so soon! You would think that this was a weekly writing challenge or something... Lillie has charged us with writing five sentences on Devotion. Below is my contribution. Hope you enjoy it.

Lillie McFerrin

Adam disliked basketball; he had little hand/eye co-ordination, questionable fitness levels, a trick knee and the uniform did little for his stocky physique. 

He had been playing in a social league for about a year now, for the team made up from employees at the supermarket that he worked in called Price Mart; The Price Mart Beavers (Go Beavers!).

He was making up the numbers to be honest; his skill level mediocre, he had a propensity to fumble most passes and couldn't make a lay-up if he had a step ladder. 

His father had been a high school basketball star who had a cupboard full of trophies that shone in the sunlight through the living room window and really wanted Adam to play; the drills in the front yard were chores to Adam, but quality time with a father who worked nights was quality time however you looked at it and Adam enjoyed the talks they had while playing even though his father despaired of him sometimes.

Adam's Father had died eighteen months ago of a heart attack out of the blue during one of those front yard drills and as Adam held his lifeless body in his arms on the tarmac in front of the house, his body racked with sobs, he made a promise to play as much as he could, just so that when he heard squeak of sneakers on the court and the bounce of the ball on the backboard he could be with his father again, no matter how bad he played.  

Lillie's page for Devotion is here. At the bottom there is a links list and you can add your contribution or just browse the other contributions. There are some fantastic writers out there and a strong friendly community. Get involved, I'm enjoying it loads!

Rock on,



  1. A touching story of devotion and of trying so hard to achieve a father's dreams and gain his approval. Bittersweet, yet beautifully written. Great job!

  2. Ah, a very poignant take on the prompt. Liked it.

  3. nice and sensitive story.

    Two points! No, make that a three pointer!

  4. I have to admit I literally lol when I read 'GO BEAVERS!' But by the end I was touched by Adam's devotion. Nice work.

  5. powerful ending....too bad Adam isn't such a great player, for his own self-esteem, but such a beautiful and meaningful thing he's doing....nice

  6. Wayne, just when I thought you were going completely for the laugh, you dart over to poignancy. Nicely done :)) I will mention that perhaps you were a bit too worried about getting all the information into the last two sentences. The difference in cadence was a bit jarring - but that absolutely could be just me. As I say, I really did enjoy this, as I do ALL of your writing. You have a way with characterization!

    I'm looking forward to more Reunion chapters too. You pulled me right in with those stories-I want to know what's happening in that world too!

    1. It did feel a bit odd forcing all the detail into the last two sentences Jo-Anne. If I'm honest, I think there was some judicious use of punctuation there...

      As for Reunion, I am planning to do more with it, but just need to sit down for a few hours to get the next bit out! It's not died a death yet...

  7. Beautiful expression, lovely words.

  8. What we won't do for our parents' love and approval. Nicely done.

  9. ...and you ended up taking the story in another direction... lovely stuff.


Wotcher. Comments are welcome and make Wayne happy. Please post some. Spammers on the other hand, I hunt down, kill and eat.

Five Sentence Fiction - Bubbles

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